Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
