you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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