literally had 100 drinks last night.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
