Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
