I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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