I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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