I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
