literally had 100 drinks last night.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Actions speak louder than pants.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
