i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
