Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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