HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
