ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
