Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
