Michael Bay diarrhea
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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