There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
