His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
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