This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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