just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
