i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
