The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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