"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
