I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
