What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
