i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
