I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
