Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
