at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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