I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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