We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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