True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
