Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
