I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
