It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
