fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
