just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
