just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
