i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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