dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
