my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
