and she was petting her beer can
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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