I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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