don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
