I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
