So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
