all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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