Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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