I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
