we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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