i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
