What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
